Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Manos:The Hands of Fate to be re-released and re-edited
Sometime in the next few weeks, I will release an edited version of Manos:The Hands of Fate. This version will actually be watchable with less shenanigans and better flow. This is the 4th project by y2films. Stay tuned...
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Robot Fury(Timmy version)
Characters:
The Blue Avenger/Joe E. Bassford
Robot Fury/Robert Wolf
John White
???
Torgo
Kid
Timmy Grey
Prelude:
(We have a shot of a “WANTED” poster on the table of The Blue Avenger with a phone next to it. Someone picks up the phone and dials a number.)
???:Yes, may I speak to John White?
(Ominous music)
(Titles)
(We cut to Joe E. Bassford sitting at a desk reading the paper, Timmy Grey enters and Joe E. looks up)
Bassford:Oh hey Tim, whats up?
Grey:Just got back from photographing the robbery on 45th street. I got some great photos of the Blue Avenger.
Bassford:Sweet
Grey:Hey, I have to ask Liz a question, do you know where she is?
Bassford:Special assignment, over in Forks doing some story on vampires.
Grey:Sounds like some b-movie we . Hey good job on those Blue Avenger shots
(Out of nowhere John White walks in)
White:Bah, theres only one good shot of The Blue Avenger and that’s a gun shot the head and I should fire you and Orange for this garbage
Bassford:What do you mean, sir?
White:All this story did was glorify the Blue Avenger. Everyone knows he’s a menace. Besides how do we know it wasn’t him who turned the Owner of Evil Co. into a watermelon?
Bassford:…because The Green Jacket admitted to it?
White:Bah, he’s German and everybody knows Germans are liars. Besides he’s probably covering up for the Blue Avenger.
Grey:But why would he take him out?
White:Obviously because The Blue Avenger wants all the money.
Grey:What money?
White:Everybody knows Evil Co. is a very profitable company…
Grey(interrupting):But they’re losing to Volkswagon.
White(angered):Don’t interrupt me, like I was saying, profitable company. They work together, Blue Avenger got greedy and took him out. Now if you excuse I have a very important meeting to get to. This could be the biggest meeting of my life. So do something or your fired!
(Grey and Bassford glance at each other as White exits)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find White getting out of his car. He looks at a piece of paper and walks to the door, opens it, and enters the dark room)
White:Hello? Hello? Mr. Grun? You called about the ad?
(We see a silhouette behind a desk. It presses a button and a bright light turns on and nearly blinds White)
White:Woah turn that off! Turn that off!
(We cut to the silhouette behind the light, with what appears to be a microphone by his mouth)
???:Ah, Mr. White, dearest apoligies but you must not learn my real name.
White:Well, can you at least turn the light off?
???:And allow you to see me? Please Mr. White, I’m a man of mystery. If you see who I am the mystery is gone. Now do you or do you not want to take out The Blue Avenger?
White:I do, I really do.
???:Well then I present to you the man who shall do that(he turns the light to the left side revealing Robert Wolf a muscular man wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top)
White:Is that Robert Wolf, Mr. Galaxy 2008?
???:Yes it is, he is the man I’ve hired to take out The Blue Avenger,
Wolf:Wait, you said we were going for ice cream?
???:No your confuzzled!
(He gets hit in the head with a stick from behind)
White(stunned):Did you just do that to him?
???:No, that was my trusty servant. Step forward.
(From the shadows emerges Torgo)
White(noticing his knees):Who is he?
Torgo:My name is Torgo, I take care of the place while the Master is away.
White:Are you the master?
???:Not the master per se, but I am the Master of my Domain, if you catch my drift.
White(looking confused):I don’t
???:it’s a Seinfeld reference.
White:I don’t watch sitcoms.
???:I can tell
White:Well anyways can you just tell me what this plan is?
???:You see Mr. White, recently I have acquired technology that will turn Mr. Wolf into a robotic machine.
White:Proof or it doesn’t exist.
???:Alright then, Torgo take Mr. Wolf and tie him to that.
Torgo:Yes master
(Torgo does this)
???:Now Mr. White, watch as a man turns to machine.
(??? Presses the button and we hear science lab type sounds. While this is transpiring, we show White with a stunned face, that turns into an evil smile)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find Mr. White re-entering his office as Orange and Bassford are playing a game)
White:What are you two doing?
Grey:Something?
White:What did I say before I leave?
Bassford:To do something
White:Smart-alec, you’re both fired! No wait, you’re hired. I need the both of you
Grey:For?
White:An assignment, theres a man or shall I say machine challenging The Blue Avenger to a fight. He calls himself, “Robot Fury”. Grey I want you to do a write-up on this and Bassford, take photos.
Grey and Bassford(at the same time):Alright….I can’t
White:You can’t? What do you mean, you can’t?
Bassford:I have a dentist appointment
White:Fine, I’ll do it. I can’t wait for Robot Fury to destroy him anyways, and I want a ringside seat. Come on Grey, lets watch the execution of a tyrant.
(They exit)
Bassford:We’ll see what Robot Fury is all about.
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We cut to a huge area where we find a bunch of people crowded around. We see Robot Fury standing with his head down. When suddenly in front of the camera, The Blue Avenger enters)
Bassford:Alright, everybody. Have no fear the Blue Avenger is here.
White(in crowd):Boo! Boo! Boo!
Bassford:Now if you excuse I must take care of this thing.
(He walks up to Robot Fury)
Bassford:So they call Robot Fury, eh? Well they call me The Blue Avenger,(after he says “Avenger”, we show a shot of Robot Fury’s head lifting up and eyes turning red)I fight for(Robot Fury begins punching him sending him backwards)
Robot Fury:Robot Fury Robot Fury
Bassford(as this continues):Hey I didn’t finish what I was…
Robot Fury:Robot Fury Robot Fury Robot Fury
Bassford:Stop that
(He grabs Robot Fury’s hands, but Robot Fury keeps punching causing Blue Avenger’s own fists to hit him)
Bassford:I can’t overpower him, he’s too strong.
(We cut to Grey and White watching this transpire)
Grey:Jeez, John this is awful
White:How? This is great! Get in there closer with the camera
(He does)
(We cut back to The Blue Avenger and Robot Fury still “fighting”. The shots are getting harder and harder)
Bassford:Can’t go on long, fading away…
Robot Fury(punching):Robot Fury Robot Fury Robot…Fur…(he stops punching and goes back to his normal position)
Bassford:He has stopped, now to finish my speech. I fight for truth(punches him in the stomach), justice(punches him in face setting his face right up), and all that is blue(his fist gets a blue glow around it and he punches Robot Fury in the jaw sending his head up and extending the neck. He then pushes him over with one finger knocking him over. Timmy Grey appears.) Ah, little Timmy Grey. Here for an interview? Let me just say my iron stomach beat his iron fists.
Grey:Well, no, I just unplugged him
(He shows him a cord)
Bassford:A cord? Well if you unplugged him…then who plugged him in.
(Out of nowhere Torgo walks by)
Torgo:Excuse me please, I have to use the bathroom…
(He exits)
Bassford:Well I guess its irrelevant then.
(A kid enters)
Kid:Wow, Blue Avenger, you kicked his butt!
Bassford:Yes, I did
Kid:Can I have a high-five?
Bassford:Sure
(He goes for the high-five but he misses the kid’s hand and hits him in the head)
Bassford:Oops, umm…well don’t tell Mr. White about this. Hopefully the boy won’t remember this when he wakes up.
Grey:Why would he forget?
Bassford:Because I just confused him. Well anyways, I’m off for who knows who’s in trouble. Good luck on the story Mr. Grey.
(John White enters)
White:What happened? Is he dead?
Grey:Nope, the Blue Avenger won.
White:Blast it! He got away again. Stupid Robot Fury. That madman owes me money.
Grey:Which mad man?
White:Oh, um…nothing. Come on lets get back to the paper. Tomorrow’s headline, “Blue Avenger kills poor innocent Robot”
(We cut to ???’s base where we find Torgo entering and dragging Robot Fury)
???:Why is he like that?
Torgo:The plan didn’t go well, master.
???:Darn, well I got thousands up my sleeve. As long as I live, the Blue Avenger will be living in hell.
(Evil laugh)
Prolude:
Blue Avenger:Kids, today we’ve seen what happens when technology goes haywire. However, for this you should not criticize robots or any kind of machines. For they are the future of our society. If we trust the machines they will trust us and one day we will be living a Jetson paradise. However, if the prophecies from The Terminator come true then in 1997 we will have our Judgment Day and the machines will take over and thus John Connor will be our savior. If not him there is always me…The Blue Avenger. Tune in next week
The Blue Avenger/Joe E. Bassford
Robot Fury/Robert Wolf
John White
???
Torgo
Kid
Timmy Grey
Prelude:
(We have a shot of a “WANTED” poster on the table of The Blue Avenger with a phone next to it. Someone picks up the phone and dials a number.)
???:Yes, may I speak to John White?
(Ominous music)
(Titles)
(We cut to Joe E. Bassford sitting at a desk reading the paper, Timmy Grey enters and Joe E. looks up)
Bassford:Oh hey Tim, whats up?
Grey:Just got back from photographing the robbery on 45th street. I got some great photos of the Blue Avenger.
Bassford:Sweet
Grey:Hey, I have to ask Liz a question, do you know where she is?
Bassford:Special assignment, over in Forks doing some story on vampires.
Grey:Sounds like some b-movie we . Hey good job on those Blue Avenger shots
(Out of nowhere John White walks in)
White:Bah, theres only one good shot of The Blue Avenger and that’s a gun shot the head and I should fire you and Orange for this garbage
Bassford:What do you mean, sir?
White:All this story did was glorify the Blue Avenger. Everyone knows he’s a menace. Besides how do we know it wasn’t him who turned the Owner of Evil Co. into a watermelon?
Bassford:…because The Green Jacket admitted to it?
White:Bah, he’s German and everybody knows Germans are liars. Besides he’s probably covering up for the Blue Avenger.
Grey:But why would he take him out?
White:Obviously because The Blue Avenger wants all the money.
Grey:What money?
White:Everybody knows Evil Co. is a very profitable company…
Grey(interrupting):But they’re losing to Volkswagon.
White(angered):Don’t interrupt me, like I was saying, profitable company. They work together, Blue Avenger got greedy and took him out. Now if you excuse I have a very important meeting to get to. This could be the biggest meeting of my life. So do something or your fired!
(Grey and Bassford glance at each other as White exits)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find White getting out of his car. He looks at a piece of paper and walks to the door, opens it, and enters the dark room)
White:Hello? Hello? Mr. Grun? You called about the ad?
(We see a silhouette behind a desk. It presses a button and a bright light turns on and nearly blinds White)
White:Woah turn that off! Turn that off!
(We cut to the silhouette behind the light, with what appears to be a microphone by his mouth)
???:Ah, Mr. White, dearest apoligies but you must not learn my real name.
White:Well, can you at least turn the light off?
???:And allow you to see me? Please Mr. White, I’m a man of mystery. If you see who I am the mystery is gone. Now do you or do you not want to take out The Blue Avenger?
White:I do, I really do.
???:Well then I present to you the man who shall do that(he turns the light to the left side revealing Robert Wolf a muscular man wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top)
White:Is that Robert Wolf, Mr. Galaxy 2008?
???:Yes it is, he is the man I’ve hired to take out The Blue Avenger,
Wolf:Wait, you said we were going for ice cream?
???:No your confuzzled!
(He gets hit in the head with a stick from behind)
White(stunned):Did you just do that to him?
???:No, that was my trusty servant. Step forward.
(From the shadows emerges Torgo)
White(noticing his knees):Who is he?
Torgo:My name is Torgo, I take care of the place while the Master is away.
White:Are you the master?
???:Not the master per se, but I am the Master of my Domain, if you catch my drift.
White(looking confused):I don’t
???:it’s a Seinfeld reference.
White:I don’t watch sitcoms.
???:I can tell
White:Well anyways can you just tell me what this plan is?
???:You see Mr. White, recently I have acquired technology that will turn Mr. Wolf into a robotic machine.
White:Proof or it doesn’t exist.
???:Alright then, Torgo take Mr. Wolf and tie him to that.
Torgo:Yes master
(Torgo does this)
???:Now Mr. White, watch as a man turns to machine.
(??? Presses the button and we hear science lab type sounds. While this is transpiring, we show White with a stunned face, that turns into an evil smile)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find Mr. White re-entering his office as Orange and Bassford are playing a game)
White:What are you two doing?
Grey:Something?
White:What did I say before I leave?
Bassford:To do something
White:Smart-alec, you’re both fired! No wait, you’re hired. I need the both of you
Grey:For?
White:An assignment, theres a man or shall I say machine challenging The Blue Avenger to a fight. He calls himself, “Robot Fury”. Grey I want you to do a write-up on this and Bassford, take photos.
Grey and Bassford(at the same time):Alright….I can’t
White:You can’t? What do you mean, you can’t?
Bassford:I have a dentist appointment
White:Fine, I’ll do it. I can’t wait for Robot Fury to destroy him anyways, and I want a ringside seat. Come on Grey, lets watch the execution of a tyrant.
(They exit)
Bassford:We’ll see what Robot Fury is all about.
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We cut to a huge area where we find a bunch of people crowded around. We see Robot Fury standing with his head down. When suddenly in front of the camera, The Blue Avenger enters)
Bassford:Alright, everybody. Have no fear the Blue Avenger is here.
White(in crowd):Boo! Boo! Boo!
Bassford:Now if you excuse I must take care of this thing.
(He walks up to Robot Fury)
Bassford:So they call Robot Fury, eh? Well they call me The Blue Avenger,(after he says “Avenger”, we show a shot of Robot Fury’s head lifting up and eyes turning red)I fight for(Robot Fury begins punching him sending him backwards)
Robot Fury:Robot Fury Robot Fury
Bassford(as this continues):Hey I didn’t finish what I was…
Robot Fury:Robot Fury Robot Fury Robot Fury
Bassford:Stop that
(He grabs Robot Fury’s hands, but Robot Fury keeps punching causing Blue Avenger’s own fists to hit him)
Bassford:I can’t overpower him, he’s too strong.
(We cut to Grey and White watching this transpire)
Grey:Jeez, John this is awful
White:How? This is great! Get in there closer with the camera
(He does)
(We cut back to The Blue Avenger and Robot Fury still “fighting”. The shots are getting harder and harder)
Bassford:Can’t go on long, fading away…
Robot Fury(punching):Robot Fury Robot Fury Robot…Fur…(he stops punching and goes back to his normal position)
Bassford:He has stopped, now to finish my speech. I fight for truth(punches him in the stomach), justice(punches him in face setting his face right up), and all that is blue(his fist gets a blue glow around it and he punches Robot Fury in the jaw sending his head up and extending the neck. He then pushes him over with one finger knocking him over. Timmy Grey appears.) Ah, little Timmy Grey. Here for an interview? Let me just say my iron stomach beat his iron fists.
Grey:Well, no, I just unplugged him
(He shows him a cord)
Bassford:A cord? Well if you unplugged him…then who plugged him in.
(Out of nowhere Torgo walks by)
Torgo:Excuse me please, I have to use the bathroom…
(He exits)
Bassford:Well I guess its irrelevant then.
(A kid enters)
Kid:Wow, Blue Avenger, you kicked his butt!
Bassford:Yes, I did
Kid:Can I have a high-five?
Bassford:Sure
(He goes for the high-five but he misses the kid’s hand and hits him in the head)
Bassford:Oops, umm…well don’t tell Mr. White about this. Hopefully the boy won’t remember this when he wakes up.
Grey:Why would he forget?
Bassford:Because I just confused him. Well anyways, I’m off for who knows who’s in trouble. Good luck on the story Mr. Grey.
(John White enters)
White:What happened? Is he dead?
Grey:Nope, the Blue Avenger won.
White:Blast it! He got away again. Stupid Robot Fury. That madman owes me money.
Grey:Which mad man?
White:Oh, um…nothing. Come on lets get back to the paper. Tomorrow’s headline, “Blue Avenger kills poor innocent Robot”
(We cut to ???’s base where we find Torgo entering and dragging Robot Fury)
???:Why is he like that?
Torgo:The plan didn’t go well, master.
???:Darn, well I got thousands up my sleeve. As long as I live, the Blue Avenger will be living in hell.
(Evil laugh)
Prolude:
Blue Avenger:Kids, today we’ve seen what happens when technology goes haywire. However, for this you should not criticize robots or any kind of machines. For they are the future of our society. If we trust the machines they will trust us and one day we will be living a Jetson paradise. However, if the prophecies from The Terminator come true then in 1997 we will have our Judgment Day and the machines will take over and thus John Connor will be our savior. If not him there is always me…The Blue Avenger. Tune in next week
Robot Fury(Liz version)
Characters:
The Blue Avenger/Joe E. Bassford
Robot Fury/Robert Wolf
John White
???
Torgo
Fanboy
Liz Orange
Prelude:
(We have a shot of a “WANTED” poster on the table of The Blue Avenger with a phone next to it. Someone picks up the phone and dials a number.)
???:Yes, may I speak to John White?
(Ominous music)
(Titles)
(We cut to Joe E. Bassford sitting at a desk reading a newspaper. Liz Orange walks over and Bassford looks up and sees her)
Bassford:Oh hey Liz, good job on the story.
Orange:Thanks
Bassford:And thank you for giving me credit for the pics. You took some good shots.
(Out of nowhere John White walks in)
White:Bah, theres only one good shot of The Blue Avenger and that’s a gun shot the head and I should fire the both of you for this garbage.
Bassford:What do you mean, sir?
White:All this story did was glorify the Blue Avenger. Everyone knows he’s a menace. Besides how do we know it wasn’t him who turned the Owner of Evil Co. into a watermelon?
Orange:…because The Green Jacket admitted to it?
White:Bah, he’s German and everybody knows Germans are liars. Besides he’s probably covering up for the Blue Avenger.
Orange:But why would he take him out?
White:Obviously because The Blue Avenger wants all the money.
Orange:What money?
White:Everybody knows Evil Co. is a very profitable company…
Orange(interrupting):But they’re losing to Volkswagon.
White(angered):Don’t interrupt me, like I was saying, profitable company. They work together, Blue Avenger got greedy and took him out. Now if you excuse I have a very important meeting to get to. This could be the biggest meeting of my life. So do something or your fired!
(Orange and Bassford glance at each other as White exits)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find White getting out of his car. He looks at a piece of paper and walks to the door, opens it, and enters the dark room)
White:Hello? Hello? Mr. Grun? You called about the ad?
(We see a silhouette behind a desk. It presses a button and a bright light turns on and nearly blinds White)
White:Woah turn that off! Turn that off!
(We cut to the silhouette behind the light, with what appears to be a microphone by his mouth)
???:Ah, Mr. White, dearest apoligies but you must not learn my real name.
White:Well, can you at least turn the light off?
???:And allow you to see me? Please Mr. White, I’m a man of mystery. If you see who I am the mystery is gone. Now do you or do you not want to take out The Blue Avenger?
White:I do, I really do.
???:Well then I present to you the man who shall do that(he turns the light to the left side revealing Robert Wolf a muscular man wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top)
White:Is that Robert Wolf, Mr. Galaxy 2008?
???:Yes it is, he is the man I’ve hired to take out The Blue Avenger,
Wolf:Wait, you said we were going for ice cream?
???:No your confuzzled!
(He gets hit in the head with a stick from behind)
White(stunned):Did you just do that to him?
???:No, that was my trusty servant. Step forward.
(From the shadows emerges Torgo)
White(noticing his knees):Who is he?
Torgo:My name is Torgo, I take care of the place while the Master is away.
White:Are you the master?
???:Not the master per se, but I am the Master of my Domain, if you catch my drift.
White(looking confused):I don’t
???:it’s a Seinfeld reference.
White:I don’t watch sitcoms.
???:I can tell
White:Well anyways can you just tell me what this plan is?
???:You see Mr. White, recently I have acquired technology that will turn Mr. Wolf into a robotic machine.
White:Proof or it doesn’t exist.
???:Alright then, Torgo take Mr. Wolf and tie him to that.
Torgo:Yes master
(Torgo does this)
???:Now Mr. White, watch as a man turns to machine.
(??? Presses the button and we hear science lab type sounds. While this is transpiring, we show White with a stunned face, that turns into an evil smile)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find Mr. White re-entering his office as Orange and Bassford are playing a game)
White:What are you two doing?
Orange:Something?
White:What did I say before I leave?
Bassford:To do something
White:Smart-alec, you’re both fired! No wait, you’re hired. I need the both of you?
Orange:For?
White:An assignment, theres a man or shall I say machine challenging The Blue Avenger to a fight. He calls himself, “Robot Fury”. Orange I want you to do a write-up on this and Bassford, take photos.
Orange and Bassford(at the same time):Alright….I can’t
White:You can’t? What do you mean, you can’t?
Bassford:I have a dentist appointment
White:Fine, I’ll do it. I can’t wait for Robot Fury to destroy him anyways, and I want a ringside seat. Come on Orange, lets watch the execution of a tyrant.
(They exit)
Bassford:We’ll see what Robot Fury is all about.
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We cut to a huge area where we find a bunch of people crowded around. We see Robot Fury standing with his head down. When suddenly in front of the camera, The Blue Avenger enters)
Bassford:Alright, everybody. Have no fear the Blue Avenger is here.
White(in crowd):Boo! Boo! Boo!
Bassford:Now if you excuse I must take care of this thing.
(He walks up to Robot Fury)
Bassford:So they call Robot Fury, eh? Well they call me The Blue Avenger,(after he says “Avenger”, we show a shot of Robot Fury’s head lifting up and eyes turning red)I fight for(Robot Fury begins punching him sending him backwards)
Robot Fury:Robot Fury Robot Fury
Bassford(as this continues):Hey I didn’t finish what I was…
Robot Fury:Robot Fury Robot Fury Robot Fury
Bassford:Stop that
(He grabs Robot Fury’s hands, but Robot Fury keeps punching causing Blue Avenger’s own fists to hit him)
Bassford:I can’t overpower him, he’s too strong.
(We cut to Orange and White watching this transpire)
Orange:Oh I can’t watch!
White:Why? This is great!
(She runs off)
White:Orange! Where are you going?
(We cut back to The Blue Avenger and Robot Fury still “fighting”. The shots are getting harder and harder)
Bassford:Can’t go on long, fading away…
Robot Fury(punching):Robot Fury Robot Fury Robot…Fur…(he stops punching and goes back to his normal position)
Bassford:He has stopped, now to finish my speech. I fight for truth(punches him in the stomach), justice(punches him in face setting his face right up), and all that is blue(his fist gets a blue glow around it and he punches Robot Fury in the jaw sending his head up and extending the neck. He then pushes him over with one finger knocking him over. Liz Orange appears.) Ah, Ms. Orange, here to praise my greatness for once again I have overcome the odds to defeat another monster. This time I believe my iron stomach did the trick.
Orange:Well, no, I just unplugged him
(She shows him a cord)
Bassford:A cord? Well if you unplugged him…then who plugged him in.
(Out of nowhere Torgo walks by)
Torgo:Excuse me please, I have to use the bathroom…
(He exits)
Bassford:Well I guess its irrelevant then.
(A kid enters)
Kid:Wow, Blue Avenger, you kicked his butt!
Bassford:Yes, I did
Kid:Can I have a high-five?
Bassford:Sure
(He goes for the high-five but he misses the kid’s hand and hits him in the head)
Bassford:Oops, umm…well don’t tell Mr. White about this. Hopefully the boy won’t remember this when he wakes up.
Orange:Why would he forget?
Bassford:Because I just confused him. Well anyways, I will see you again Ms. Orange, for now I am off for there may be another civilian in trouble. Goodbye Ms. Orange(he runs off-camera)
(John White enters)
White:What happened? Is he dead?
Orange:Nope, the Blue Avenger won.
White:Blast it! He got away again. Stupid Robot Fury. That madman owes me money.
Orange:Which mad man?
White:Oh, um…nothing. Come on lets get back to the paper. Tomorrow’s headline, “Blue Avenger kills poor innocent Robot”
(We cut to ???’s base where we find Torgo entering and dragging Robot Fury)
???:Why is he like that?
Torgo:The plan didn’t go well, master.
???:Darn, well I got thousands up my sleeve. As long as I live, the Blue Avenger will be living in hell.
(Evil laugh)
Prolude:
Blue Avenger:Kids, today we’ve seen what happens when technology goes haywire. However, for this you should not criticize robots or any kind of machines. For they are the future of our society. If we trust the machines they will trust us and one day we will be living a Jetson paradise. However, if the prophecies from The Terminator come true then in 1997 we will have our Judgment Day and the machines will take over and thus John Connor will be our savior. If not him there is always me…The Blue Avenger. Tune in next week
The Blue Avenger/Joe E. Bassford
Robot Fury/Robert Wolf
John White
???
Torgo
Fanboy
Liz Orange
Prelude:
(We have a shot of a “WANTED” poster on the table of The Blue Avenger with a phone next to it. Someone picks up the phone and dials a number.)
???:Yes, may I speak to John White?
(Ominous music)
(Titles)
(We cut to Joe E. Bassford sitting at a desk reading a newspaper. Liz Orange walks over and Bassford looks up and sees her)
Bassford:Oh hey Liz, good job on the story.
Orange:Thanks
Bassford:And thank you for giving me credit for the pics. You took some good shots.
(Out of nowhere John White walks in)
White:Bah, theres only one good shot of The Blue Avenger and that’s a gun shot the head and I should fire the both of you for this garbage.
Bassford:What do you mean, sir?
White:All this story did was glorify the Blue Avenger. Everyone knows he’s a menace. Besides how do we know it wasn’t him who turned the Owner of Evil Co. into a watermelon?
Orange:…because The Green Jacket admitted to it?
White:Bah, he’s German and everybody knows Germans are liars. Besides he’s probably covering up for the Blue Avenger.
Orange:But why would he take him out?
White:Obviously because The Blue Avenger wants all the money.
Orange:What money?
White:Everybody knows Evil Co. is a very profitable company…
Orange(interrupting):But they’re losing to Volkswagon.
White(angered):Don’t interrupt me, like I was saying, profitable company. They work together, Blue Avenger got greedy and took him out. Now if you excuse I have a very important meeting to get to. This could be the biggest meeting of my life. So do something or your fired!
(Orange and Bassford glance at each other as White exits)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find White getting out of his car. He looks at a piece of paper and walks to the door, opens it, and enters the dark room)
White:Hello? Hello? Mr. Grun? You called about the ad?
(We see a silhouette behind a desk. It presses a button and a bright light turns on and nearly blinds White)
White:Woah turn that off! Turn that off!
(We cut to the silhouette behind the light, with what appears to be a microphone by his mouth)
???:Ah, Mr. White, dearest apoligies but you must not learn my real name.
White:Well, can you at least turn the light off?
???:And allow you to see me? Please Mr. White, I’m a man of mystery. If you see who I am the mystery is gone. Now do you or do you not want to take out The Blue Avenger?
White:I do, I really do.
???:Well then I present to you the man who shall do that(he turns the light to the left side revealing Robert Wolf a muscular man wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top)
White:Is that Robert Wolf, Mr. Galaxy 2008?
???:Yes it is, he is the man I’ve hired to take out The Blue Avenger,
Wolf:Wait, you said we were going for ice cream?
???:No your confuzzled!
(He gets hit in the head with a stick from behind)
White(stunned):Did you just do that to him?
???:No, that was my trusty servant. Step forward.
(From the shadows emerges Torgo)
White(noticing his knees):Who is he?
Torgo:My name is Torgo, I take care of the place while the Master is away.
White:Are you the master?
???:Not the master per se, but I am the Master of my Domain, if you catch my drift.
White(looking confused):I don’t
???:it’s a Seinfeld reference.
White:I don’t watch sitcoms.
???:I can tell
White:Well anyways can you just tell me what this plan is?
???:You see Mr. White, recently I have acquired technology that will turn Mr. Wolf into a robotic machine.
White:Proof or it doesn’t exist.
???:Alright then, Torgo take Mr. Wolf and tie him to that.
Torgo:Yes master
(Torgo does this)
???:Now Mr. White, watch as a man turns to machine.
(??? Presses the button and we hear science lab type sounds. While this is transpiring, we show White with a stunned face, that turns into an evil smile)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find Mr. White re-entering his office as Orange and Bassford are playing a game)
White:What are you two doing?
Orange:Something?
White:What did I say before I leave?
Bassford:To do something
White:Smart-alec, you’re both fired! No wait, you’re hired. I need the both of you?
Orange:For?
White:An assignment, theres a man or shall I say machine challenging The Blue Avenger to a fight. He calls himself, “Robot Fury”. Orange I want you to do a write-up on this and Bassford, take photos.
Orange and Bassford(at the same time):Alright….I can’t
White:You can’t? What do you mean, you can’t?
Bassford:I have a dentist appointment
White:Fine, I’ll do it. I can’t wait for Robot Fury to destroy him anyways, and I want a ringside seat. Come on Orange, lets watch the execution of a tyrant.
(They exit)
Bassford:We’ll see what Robot Fury is all about.
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We cut to a huge area where we find a bunch of people crowded around. We see Robot Fury standing with his head down. When suddenly in front of the camera, The Blue Avenger enters)
Bassford:Alright, everybody. Have no fear the Blue Avenger is here.
White(in crowd):Boo! Boo! Boo!
Bassford:Now if you excuse I must take care of this thing.
(He walks up to Robot Fury)
Bassford:So they call Robot Fury, eh? Well they call me The Blue Avenger,(after he says “Avenger”, we show a shot of Robot Fury’s head lifting up and eyes turning red)I fight for(Robot Fury begins punching him sending him backwards)
Robot Fury:Robot Fury Robot Fury
Bassford(as this continues):Hey I didn’t finish what I was…
Robot Fury:Robot Fury Robot Fury Robot Fury
Bassford:Stop that
(He grabs Robot Fury’s hands, but Robot Fury keeps punching causing Blue Avenger’s own fists to hit him)
Bassford:I can’t overpower him, he’s too strong.
(We cut to Orange and White watching this transpire)
Orange:Oh I can’t watch!
White:Why? This is great!
(She runs off)
White:Orange! Where are you going?
(We cut back to The Blue Avenger and Robot Fury still “fighting”. The shots are getting harder and harder)
Bassford:Can’t go on long, fading away…
Robot Fury(punching):Robot Fury Robot Fury Robot…Fur…(he stops punching and goes back to his normal position)
Bassford:He has stopped, now to finish my speech. I fight for truth(punches him in the stomach), justice(punches him in face setting his face right up), and all that is blue(his fist gets a blue glow around it and he punches Robot Fury in the jaw sending his head up and extending the neck. He then pushes him over with one finger knocking him over. Liz Orange appears.) Ah, Ms. Orange, here to praise my greatness for once again I have overcome the odds to defeat another monster. This time I believe my iron stomach did the trick.
Orange:Well, no, I just unplugged him
(She shows him a cord)
Bassford:A cord? Well if you unplugged him…then who plugged him in.
(Out of nowhere Torgo walks by)
Torgo:Excuse me please, I have to use the bathroom…
(He exits)
Bassford:Well I guess its irrelevant then.
(A kid enters)
Kid:Wow, Blue Avenger, you kicked his butt!
Bassford:Yes, I did
Kid:Can I have a high-five?
Bassford:Sure
(He goes for the high-five but he misses the kid’s hand and hits him in the head)
Bassford:Oops, umm…well don’t tell Mr. White about this. Hopefully the boy won’t remember this when he wakes up.
Orange:Why would he forget?
Bassford:Because I just confused him. Well anyways, I will see you again Ms. Orange, for now I am off for there may be another civilian in trouble. Goodbye Ms. Orange(he runs off-camera)
(John White enters)
White:What happened? Is he dead?
Orange:Nope, the Blue Avenger won.
White:Blast it! He got away again. Stupid Robot Fury. That madman owes me money.
Orange:Which mad man?
White:Oh, um…nothing. Come on lets get back to the paper. Tomorrow’s headline, “Blue Avenger kills poor innocent Robot”
(We cut to ???’s base where we find Torgo entering and dragging Robot Fury)
???:Why is he like that?
Torgo:The plan didn’t go well, master.
???:Darn, well I got thousands up my sleeve. As long as I live, the Blue Avenger will be living in hell.
(Evil laugh)
Prolude:
Blue Avenger:Kids, today we’ve seen what happens when technology goes haywire. However, for this you should not criticize robots or any kind of machines. For they are the future of our society. If we trust the machines they will trust us and one day we will be living a Jetson paradise. However, if the prophecies from The Terminator come true then in 1997 we will have our Judgment Day and the machines will take over and thus John Connor will be our savior. If not him there is always me…The Blue Avenger. Tune in next week
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
History of Film:The 2000's
The 2000’s have brought about a decade of change in the world of film. A change it had never experienced before. So much that a film from the ’90’s may seem to be from the stone age compared to today‘s modern films. One such change is the techniques used in film. While old techniques remained in tact, most films are done differently. Digital film making has become used by mainly all Hollywood studios as analog has completely faded away. The result is newer technology.
One such technology is High Definition, which was first used in the 2000 film, Space Cowboys. It involves a more realistic picture designed to enhance the film itself. The use of digital film making has also led to the change of appearance of people in film. The 2000 film, Oh Brother, Where Art Thou used a technique to change the color appearance within the film. Animation, itself has even changed.
In 2001, Final Fantasy:The Spirit Within became the first computer generated film. Most animated films nowadays are done on computer resulting in hand-drawn films coming to a near extinction. Films such as Shrek, Finding Nemo, and The Incredibles have been successful and has changed animation forever. Green screen animation has reached its peak of popularity. The 2004 film Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow became the first completely computer generated film by green screen.
The way people watched films has also changed. DVD sales have become the focal point financially for studios. The popularity of DVDs have led to Blu Ray discs that contain plenty of space for special features and a better appearance to the picture quality of the films. However, some studios are seeing a loss in profit. One such reason is that rather than spending money on films, most people have gone the route of illegally downloading them from file-sharing websites. As a result, studios are beginning to see the prospect of the internet and have decided to sell films online via digital download.
Studios have also changed the type of films they’ve released to adjust to what viewers want. In this decade Horror has experienced a revival. After a dead period in the ‘90’s, Horror has returned to a mainstream genre with remakes or sequels of older horror series(Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre). In the process of the remakes/sequels, there have been original films that have found success and in the process have created their own series and out grossed the older generation(Saw).
Another genre with a revival has been the musical genre. After decades without much success, musicals have become a highly popular among critics and audiences alike. Some of these films include Chicago, winner of Best Picture of 2002, Moulin Rouge, and High School Musical. Documentaries have also come back to prominence as Fahrenheit 9/11 and Super Size Me have been successful and at times controversial. However, with a revival in one genre comes the birth of another.
Super Hero movies have been around since the 1940’s. However, in this decade they have reached full significance as films like Spider-Man, X-Men, The Dark Knight, and Ironman have all been successful in the box office. As a matter of fact, The Dark Knight holds the record for highest grossing opening weekend(159 million), most profit in a day(66.4 million), most money made at a midnight showing(18.5 million). The Super Hero genre will not be going away as Spider-Man 3 was the highest grossing film of 2007 and in the Summer of 2008, The Dark Knight, Hancock, and Ironman all accounted for 1 billion dollars.
The Comedy genre has somewhat changed. In the beginning of the decade children’s computer-animated comedies such as Shrek and Finding Nemo were commercial success among both adults and children. R-rated comedies such as The 40 Year Old Virgin, Clerks 2, and Pineapple Express has also experienced fanfare from teenagers and adults alike. One such genre despised by many film enthusiasts that has been popular also is the parody genre. In 2000, Scary Movie, a parody of Scream was released and was highly successful this led to a series of parodies that seem to come out every 4 days and each film has parodied a different genre. However, they have been subject to criticism due to repetitive plots and jokes.
Epic novels have also found popularity. J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings novels have been adopted into 3 highly successful films. The final one(Return of the King) is the highest grossing film of the decade and won Best Picture at the 2003 Academy Awards. J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books have also been popular film adaptations and is the highest grossing series in film.
In the field of directing, Peter Jackson(Lord of the Rings and King Kong), Christopher Nolan(The Dark Knight), and Darren Aronofsky(Requiem for a Dream and The Wrestler) have experienced a major rise due to their directoral styles and appear to be there for a long time. The new dramatic actor’s who have experienced success include Christian Bale(American Psycho and The Dark Knight) and Russell Crowe(Gladiator and Cinderella Man) while Seth Rogan and Will Ferrell have appeared to taken the “Kings of Comedy” title. Despite an ever-changing decade in film, some people have managed to keep going. Clint Eastwood, who has been acting since the 1950’s continues to have success in his 6th decade of film in both acting and directing. His recent film Gran Torino has earned him praise as a director and is considered by many to be the Best Actor in the World by many after 54 years in film. Mickey Rourke, an actor who many felt career was dead has returned to the spotlight with films like Sin City and The Wrestler and hopes to keep his comeback going. With the 2000’s coming to an end, we continue to see innovative and new technology everyday and one must wonder, what will the 2010’s bring.
One such technology is High Definition, which was first used in the 2000 film, Space Cowboys. It involves a more realistic picture designed to enhance the film itself. The use of digital film making has also led to the change of appearance of people in film. The 2000 film, Oh Brother, Where Art Thou used a technique to change the color appearance within the film. Animation, itself has even changed.
In 2001, Final Fantasy:The Spirit Within became the first computer generated film. Most animated films nowadays are done on computer resulting in hand-drawn films coming to a near extinction. Films such as Shrek, Finding Nemo, and The Incredibles have been successful and has changed animation forever. Green screen animation has reached its peak of popularity. The 2004 film Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow became the first completely computer generated film by green screen.
The way people watched films has also changed. DVD sales have become the focal point financially for studios. The popularity of DVDs have led to Blu Ray discs that contain plenty of space for special features and a better appearance to the picture quality of the films. However, some studios are seeing a loss in profit. One such reason is that rather than spending money on films, most people have gone the route of illegally downloading them from file-sharing websites. As a result, studios are beginning to see the prospect of the internet and have decided to sell films online via digital download.
Studios have also changed the type of films they’ve released to adjust to what viewers want. In this decade Horror has experienced a revival. After a dead period in the ‘90’s, Horror has returned to a mainstream genre with remakes or sequels of older horror series(Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre). In the process of the remakes/sequels, there have been original films that have found success and in the process have created their own series and out grossed the older generation(Saw).
Another genre with a revival has been the musical genre. After decades without much success, musicals have become a highly popular among critics and audiences alike. Some of these films include Chicago, winner of Best Picture of 2002, Moulin Rouge, and High School Musical. Documentaries have also come back to prominence as Fahrenheit 9/11 and Super Size Me have been successful and at times controversial. However, with a revival in one genre comes the birth of another.
Super Hero movies have been around since the 1940’s. However, in this decade they have reached full significance as films like Spider-Man, X-Men, The Dark Knight, and Ironman have all been successful in the box office. As a matter of fact, The Dark Knight holds the record for highest grossing opening weekend(159 million), most profit in a day(66.4 million), most money made at a midnight showing(18.5 million). The Super Hero genre will not be going away as Spider-Man 3 was the highest grossing film of 2007 and in the Summer of 2008, The Dark Knight, Hancock, and Ironman all accounted for 1 billion dollars.
The Comedy genre has somewhat changed. In the beginning of the decade children’s computer-animated comedies such as Shrek and Finding Nemo were commercial success among both adults and children. R-rated comedies such as The 40 Year Old Virgin, Clerks 2, and Pineapple Express has also experienced fanfare from teenagers and adults alike. One such genre despised by many film enthusiasts that has been popular also is the parody genre. In 2000, Scary Movie, a parody of Scream was released and was highly successful this led to a series of parodies that seem to come out every 4 days and each film has parodied a different genre. However, they have been subject to criticism due to repetitive plots and jokes.
Epic novels have also found popularity. J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings novels have been adopted into 3 highly successful films. The final one(Return of the King) is the highest grossing film of the decade and won Best Picture at the 2003 Academy Awards. J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books have also been popular film adaptations and is the highest grossing series in film.
In the field of directing, Peter Jackson(Lord of the Rings and King Kong), Christopher Nolan(The Dark Knight), and Darren Aronofsky(Requiem for a Dream and The Wrestler) have experienced a major rise due to their directoral styles and appear to be there for a long time. The new dramatic actor’s who have experienced success include Christian Bale(American Psycho and The Dark Knight) and Russell Crowe(Gladiator and Cinderella Man) while Seth Rogan and Will Ferrell have appeared to taken the “Kings of Comedy” title. Despite an ever-changing decade in film, some people have managed to keep going. Clint Eastwood, who has been acting since the 1950’s continues to have success in his 6th decade of film in both acting and directing. His recent film Gran Torino has earned him praise as a director and is considered by many to be the Best Actor in the World by many after 54 years in film. Mickey Rourke, an actor who many felt career was dead has returned to the spotlight with films like Sin City and The Wrestler and hopes to keep his comeback going. With the 2000’s coming to an end, we continue to see innovative and new technology everyday and one must wonder, what will the 2010’s bring.
Monday, May 18, 2009
The Blue Avenger in:Attack of The Green Jacket
Characters:
The Blue Avenger/Ace Reporter Joe E. Bassford-A mild-mannered news reporter by day and a super hero any other time.
The Green Jacket/Jakob Reiss-An evil German scientist determined to turn everyone into a watermelon so he can feast on their brain matter(tastily) in an attempt to gain the knowledge of the world and create an Army of his own Supermen using said-people’s knowledge to take over the world.
Liz Orange-main reporter for Daily Propaganda Paper
John White-Head of DPP
The Boss-Jakob’s boss
Prelude:
(Reiss enters from the left and sits down at a desk)
Reiss:What have you called me in for, sir?
Boss:Well Mr. Reiss, lately I’ve been questioning what exactly you’re doing during your work hours.
Reiss:Elaborate
Boss:Well, I’ve gotten reports that you’ve not been doing much research for the company but rather for yourself.
Reiss:Whats the problem with that?
Boss:Many
Reiss:Well boss, I assure you that my business is exclusively company.
Boss:Reiss, I’m sorry, but the amount of complaints is too much. Mr. Reiss, you’re fired.
Reiss:What exactly for?
Boss:Violating dress code. All scientists wear white lab coats, not a Green Jacket.
Reiss:Ah, well you’re fired.
Boss;Now how is that possible?
Reiss:Because I’m firing this at you!
(He presses a button on his jacket that unleashes a laser. We see the new boss now as a watermelon on the chair)
Reiss(evil laugh)
Scene 1
(We are at a news station where we see Ace Reporter Joe E. Bassford at the water jug filling a cup. He gets up from there and turns to see Liz Orange, another reporter. He is slightly nervous and accidently spills his cup on himself.)
Orange:Oh sorry, are your alright?
Bassford(nervous and adjusting various things):Yes, yes I’m ok, just a little tired.
Orange:I can see, what were you doing last night.
Bassford:Oh nothing, just doing some work. Why, um…what were you doing?
Orange:Just covering that Blue Avenger guy. He saved that poor kitty from the fire.
Bassford(smiling a bit):Yes yes, he’s a great, fantastic fellow he is.
(Enter John White)
White:Well I think he’s a menace!
Orange:Oh, Mr. White, why must you say that?
White:it’s a fact, the Blue Avenger is a menace to society. Besides, he’s out to get me.
Orange:What makes you say that?
White:He saved a cat, and as everybody knows I’m allergic to them.
Orange:Oh, Mr. White, you’re so out of touch with people
White:I know a vigilante when I see one, and the Blue Avenger is one. Anyone who wears a mask is a menace because they’re hiding their true self in an effort to confuse people.
Bassford:Mr. White, I…
White:I what? I, robot? I, myself? Me, myself, and I? Come on spit it out.
Bassford(scared):I agree sir
White:Good, now Orange, I want you to cover this story.
Orange:Which story?
White:The one on that CEO of Evil Co. vanished.
Orange:Alright.
White:Bassford, go with her and take photos.
Bassford:Um…okay sir
White:Well what are you waiting on? Go!
(Bassford and Orange exit)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find Bassford and Orange at the office where the incident took place.)
Orange:Oh jeez, what a mess
Bassford:Looks like he might have had some melon before he departed(shot of a watermelon on a chair partially eaten.)
Reiss(from literally nowhere with an eye patch on):More like, he departed into a watermelon and to my stomach!
(Evil laugh)
Orange:Who are you?
Reiss:They call me, The Green Jacket. You must be Liz Orange, I’ve read your stories, they bore me. So now I’m going to eat you.
Orange:What do you mean?
Reiss:Watch this!
(He hit’s the button, Bassford and Orange move out of the way and it hit’s the chair turning it into a watermelon.)
Reiss:Want to turn your melon into a melon?
(Evil laugh)
Bassford:Come on, Liz, lets get out of here.
(They take off and run with Reiss following them)
Reiss:Don’t be afraid, I know it ain’t easy being green
(Evil laugh)
Bassford:I’m going to get help
Orange:What?
Bassford:See ya!
Orange:Joe!
(He runs away and behind something. He re-emerges in a blue hockey mask, cape, shirt, and tights. He proceeds to run towards them. We cut to Reiss continuing to chase after her. He fires at her but misses. She trips and falls.)
Reiss:Ms. Orange, I feel you’re about to become green with envy.
(As he aims to fire at her, he is hit in the back of the head by a pillow knocking him over.)
Reiss:Who did that?
(He gets up and sees The Blue Avenger behind him)
Reiss:Who the devil are you?
Bassford:I am the Blue Avenger, I fight for truth, justice, and all that is blue.
Reiss:Pleased to meet you, I’m the Green Jacket. Blue you say? I plan on making you turn green.
(He fires at The Blue Avenger, who turns around allowing the cape to deflect it. While this is transpiring we see Liz taking pictures. Soon the Green Jacket runs out of ammo. The Blue Avenger turns around and throws a wave at him soaking his jacket.)
Reiss:My jacket. You have ruined it! I shall now fight like in old country.
Bassford:Old country?
Reiss:Yes.
Bassford:Which old country?
Reiss:Germany
Bassford:Your German?
Reiss:Yes, can’t you tell by my accent and name.
Bassford:The Green Jacket is german?
Reiss:That’s not my name.
Bassford:You said it was “The Green Jacket”.
Reiss:No my REAL name!
Bassford:Which is?
Reiss:Jakob Reiss, brilliant scientist from Germany! Oh crap you weren’t supposed to know that.
Bassford:Which part of Germany?
Reiss:Berlin
Bassford:East or West?
Reiss:East, of course, after all, I am a communist.
(Evil Laugh)
Bassford:You fiend!
Reiss:It is part of my communist agenda to turn people into watermelons. Then I eat them and use the knowledge to create my own race of Supermen that will take over the world. Crap I did it again…
Bassford:Not if I can do anything about it!
Reiss:Lets fight!
(They proceed to fight. Eventually the Blue Avenger is victorious. Liz runs over to him.)
Liz:My hero!
(She goes over and hugs him or whatever)
Liz:What ever could I do to repay you?
Bassford:I have a lot in mind(thumbs up to the camera), but if anything its that you give photography credit to Joe E. Bassford.
Liz:But he didn’t do anything?
Bassford:Yes, but his job depends on it.
Liz:Fine, where shall we meet again, blue one?
Bassford:Whenever theres a cry for help I’ll be there. Whenever blue is turned to any other, I’ll be there, and whenever theres a lie, I’ll be there to tell the truth. I am off, farewell…Liz.
(He runs away behind a building. A few seconds later Bassford re-appears as himself.)
Liz(angered):Where did you go?
Bassford:Um…um…bathroom?
Liz:You left me with that freak.
Bassford:Yes, but I also called in the Blue Avenger.
Liz:I guess that makes it up for it. Did you see him?
Bassford:No, why?
Liz:He just past you. Did you see the fight?
Bassford:Yes, it was a great victory…for him.
Liz:Come on lets get back to the paper, we got a great story.
Bassford:Yes we do…
The End
Prolude:
(We see the Blue Avenger against an American flag background)
Blue Avenger:Kids, today we’ve seen what happens when science goes wrong. However, for this you should not criticize watermelons, scientists, germans, communists, and green jackets, for they were misguided in this episode and that comes from you parents. Every day juvenile delinquency rises in America and it starts with the adults. My message to the parents is to love your children, give them guidance, and when they turn 18 send them off to the Military for your sons and find a proper suitor for your daughters. For the future of our American republic depends on it. Also kids, watermelons are good to eat but people aren’t.
The Blue Avenger/Ace Reporter Joe E. Bassford-A mild-mannered news reporter by day and a super hero any other time.
The Green Jacket/Jakob Reiss-An evil German scientist determined to turn everyone into a watermelon so he can feast on their brain matter(tastily) in an attempt to gain the knowledge of the world and create an Army of his own Supermen using said-people’s knowledge to take over the world.
Liz Orange-main reporter for Daily Propaganda Paper
John White-Head of DPP
The Boss-Jakob’s boss
Prelude:
(Reiss enters from the left and sits down at a desk)
Reiss:What have you called me in for, sir?
Boss:Well Mr. Reiss, lately I’ve been questioning what exactly you’re doing during your work hours.
Reiss:Elaborate
Boss:Well, I’ve gotten reports that you’ve not been doing much research for the company but rather for yourself.
Reiss:Whats the problem with that?
Boss:Many
Reiss:Well boss, I assure you that my business is exclusively company.
Boss:Reiss, I’m sorry, but the amount of complaints is too much. Mr. Reiss, you’re fired.
Reiss:What exactly for?
Boss:Violating dress code. All scientists wear white lab coats, not a Green Jacket.
Reiss:Ah, well you’re fired.
Boss;Now how is that possible?
Reiss:Because I’m firing this at you!
(He presses a button on his jacket that unleashes a laser. We see the new boss now as a watermelon on the chair)
Reiss(evil laugh)
Scene 1
(We are at a news station where we see Ace Reporter Joe E. Bassford at the water jug filling a cup. He gets up from there and turns to see Liz Orange, another reporter. He is slightly nervous and accidently spills his cup on himself.)
Orange:Oh sorry, are your alright?
Bassford(nervous and adjusting various things):Yes, yes I’m ok, just a little tired.
Orange:I can see, what were you doing last night.
Bassford:Oh nothing, just doing some work. Why, um…what were you doing?
Orange:Just covering that Blue Avenger guy. He saved that poor kitty from the fire.
Bassford(smiling a bit):Yes yes, he’s a great, fantastic fellow he is.
(Enter John White)
White:Well I think he’s a menace!
Orange:Oh, Mr. White, why must you say that?
White:it’s a fact, the Blue Avenger is a menace to society. Besides, he’s out to get me.
Orange:What makes you say that?
White:He saved a cat, and as everybody knows I’m allergic to them.
Orange:Oh, Mr. White, you’re so out of touch with people
White:I know a vigilante when I see one, and the Blue Avenger is one. Anyone who wears a mask is a menace because they’re hiding their true self in an effort to confuse people.
Bassford:Mr. White, I…
White:I what? I, robot? I, myself? Me, myself, and I? Come on spit it out.
Bassford(scared):I agree sir
White:Good, now Orange, I want you to cover this story.
Orange:Which story?
White:The one on that CEO of Evil Co. vanished.
Orange:Alright.
White:Bassford, go with her and take photos.
Bassford:Um…okay sir
White:Well what are you waiting on? Go!
(Bassford and Orange exit)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find Bassford and Orange at the office where the incident took place.)
Orange:Oh jeez, what a mess
Bassford:Looks like he might have had some melon before he departed(shot of a watermelon on a chair partially eaten.)
Reiss(from literally nowhere with an eye patch on):More like, he departed into a watermelon and to my stomach!
(Evil laugh)
Orange:Who are you?
Reiss:They call me, The Green Jacket. You must be Liz Orange, I’ve read your stories, they bore me. So now I’m going to eat you.
Orange:What do you mean?
Reiss:Watch this!
(He hit’s the button, Bassford and Orange move out of the way and it hit’s the chair turning it into a watermelon.)
Reiss:Want to turn your melon into a melon?
(Evil laugh)
Bassford:Come on, Liz, lets get out of here.
(They take off and run with Reiss following them)
Reiss:Don’t be afraid, I know it ain’t easy being green
(Evil laugh)
Bassford:I’m going to get help
Orange:What?
Bassford:See ya!
Orange:Joe!
(He runs away and behind something. He re-emerges in a blue hockey mask, cape, shirt, and tights. He proceeds to run towards them. We cut to Reiss continuing to chase after her. He fires at her but misses. She trips and falls.)
Reiss:Ms. Orange, I feel you’re about to become green with envy.
(As he aims to fire at her, he is hit in the back of the head by a pillow knocking him over.)
Reiss:Who did that?
(He gets up and sees The Blue Avenger behind him)
Reiss:Who the devil are you?
Bassford:I am the Blue Avenger, I fight for truth, justice, and all that is blue.
Reiss:Pleased to meet you, I’m the Green Jacket. Blue you say? I plan on making you turn green.
(He fires at The Blue Avenger, who turns around allowing the cape to deflect it. While this is transpiring we see Liz taking pictures. Soon the Green Jacket runs out of ammo. The Blue Avenger turns around and throws a wave at him soaking his jacket.)
Reiss:My jacket. You have ruined it! I shall now fight like in old country.
Bassford:Old country?
Reiss:Yes.
Bassford:Which old country?
Reiss:Germany
Bassford:Your German?
Reiss:Yes, can’t you tell by my accent and name.
Bassford:The Green Jacket is german?
Reiss:That’s not my name.
Bassford:You said it was “The Green Jacket”.
Reiss:No my REAL name!
Bassford:Which is?
Reiss:Jakob Reiss, brilliant scientist from Germany! Oh crap you weren’t supposed to know that.
Bassford:Which part of Germany?
Reiss:Berlin
Bassford:East or West?
Reiss:East, of course, after all, I am a communist.
(Evil Laugh)
Bassford:You fiend!
Reiss:It is part of my communist agenda to turn people into watermelons. Then I eat them and use the knowledge to create my own race of Supermen that will take over the world. Crap I did it again…
Bassford:Not if I can do anything about it!
Reiss:Lets fight!
(They proceed to fight. Eventually the Blue Avenger is victorious. Liz runs over to him.)
Liz:My hero!
(She goes over and hugs him or whatever)
Liz:What ever could I do to repay you?
Bassford:I have a lot in mind(thumbs up to the camera), but if anything its that you give photography credit to Joe E. Bassford.
Liz:But he didn’t do anything?
Bassford:Yes, but his job depends on it.
Liz:Fine, where shall we meet again, blue one?
Bassford:Whenever theres a cry for help I’ll be there. Whenever blue is turned to any other, I’ll be there, and whenever theres a lie, I’ll be there to tell the truth. I am off, farewell…Liz.
(He runs away behind a building. A few seconds later Bassford re-appears as himself.)
Liz(angered):Where did you go?
Bassford:Um…um…bathroom?
Liz:You left me with that freak.
Bassford:Yes, but I also called in the Blue Avenger.
Liz:I guess that makes it up for it. Did you see him?
Bassford:No, why?
Liz:He just past you. Did you see the fight?
Bassford:Yes, it was a great victory…for him.
Liz:Come on lets get back to the paper, we got a great story.
Bassford:Yes we do…
The End
Prolude:
(We see the Blue Avenger against an American flag background)
Blue Avenger:Kids, today we’ve seen what happens when science goes wrong. However, for this you should not criticize watermelons, scientists, germans, communists, and green jackets, for they were misguided in this episode and that comes from you parents. Every day juvenile delinquency rises in America and it starts with the adults. My message to the parents is to love your children, give them guidance, and when they turn 18 send them off to the Military for your sons and find a proper suitor for your daughters. For the future of our American republic depends on it. Also kids, watermelons are good to eat but people aren’t.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Sex Has Consequences
An original play by Joey Basford
Coming Soon:The Jacob Reese Adaptation
Act I
Scene 1
(The curtain rises on the stage we find The Devil standing in his chamber of doom)
The Devil:Double Double Toilet Trouble
(A Plumber arrives)
Plumber:Can you hold your horses? I'm almost done
The Devil:Can you hurry? I gotta pee
Plumber:Just do something productive
The Devil:Destructive?
Plumber:Sure
The Devil:That gives me a great idea
(Blackout)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find Jack Jefferson and his all-american friends Ken Kennedy, David Davis, and Rob Robinson)
Rob:Well Jackie boy you seem quite tender today
Jack:Why would I not, Saturday is a big night
Rob:Ah yes the dance, you do realize we must get ready for Ryder High first right?
Jack:Don't worry we're going to score on Ryder just like I will with Mary
(We cut to where Mary is outside under a tree with her friends Alice Allison, Cameron Cameron, and Helen Hinkelbomber)
Helen:So Mary do you plan on going for the ball on Saturday night?
Mary:Oh dear lord no I couldn't
Alice:What are you scared?
Mary:No its just my values hold me back. I feel I should wait til marriage
Cameron:Marriage is overrated like sex
Mary:So why do you insist on me doing it?
Cameron:Because its all the rage
Mary:I have values, my mother, and my sister all look up to me
Helen:Well you're 6'1
Mary:Touche
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We find Jack at his home bench pressing)
Mr.Jefferson:Son, I want to talk to you
Jack:What is it dad?
Mr.Jefferson:Well son, I know that tomorrow you embark on the first part of a long journey
Jack:Its just Homecoming dad
Mr.Jefferson:Son I don't think you understand, its not Homecoming...its a way of life. That date is the first step to a long and sometimes difficult life journey.
Jack:What are you saying?
Mr.Jefferson:Play safe
Jack:Dad, I'm not going to have sex
Mr.Jefferson:Woah woah woah woah woah look here Jethro Tull I said nothing about sex. I'm just saying be careful during the game...you're a pervert
Jack:I don't get it
Mr.Jefferson:Thats it Sunday morning I am sending you to church and Father O'Reilly will give you a pep talk
Jack:For what?
Mr.Jefferson:To get you motivated
Jack:For what?
Mr.Jefferson:Sex son!
Jack:Ugh...thats cool dad...look my mother is calling
Mr.Jefferson:Ok son just be careful
(He walks over to the kitchen)
Mrs.Jefferson:Oh son how are you?
Jack:Quite well I suppose
Mrs.Jefferson:Thats good, hows dad?]
Jack:He's ok just slightly crazy today
Mrs.Jefferson:At least he isn't marching nude in the Mummers day parade again
Jack:Yeah that was embarrassing
Mrs.Jefferson:So are you taking Mary Washington to the dance?
Jack:Yes indeedy, we're going to have a quite splendid night if I must say
Mrs.Jefferson:I hope so
(Across stage in hell we find the Devil laughing)
The Devil:Oh it will
(Evil Laugh)
The Plumber(off-stage):What will?
The Devil:Quiet you twit
End Scene 3
End Act I
Act II
Scene 1
(We find the gang at the dance)
Rob:Damn Jackie this party is kickin
Jack:Yeah just like we kicked their buttockses in Football
Ken:So when are the chickies
Jack:As soon of Mother Hen's eggs hatch
Ken:Makes sense I suppose
(Meanwhile in hell we find the Devil talking with the Plumber)
The Plumber:Whats the occasion?
The Devil(wearing a red tux):Its time to go dancing I say
Plumber:Do you know any dances??
Devil:No not really...I'm just going to seduce Jack and Mary
Plumber:You do that
Devil:Oh I will
(Later we find everybody dancing)
Jack:Woo thats been a dusy. I'll be right back
(He walks over to the bathroom where he finds The Devil wearing a tux)
Jack:So cool kitty cat I never seen you around here before
Devil:The names Lucifer
Jack:Like "I Love Lucy"?
Devil:Umm...no...not really
Jack:Oh
Devil:Want to try this cool keen drink?
Jack:What is it called?
Devil:Sextacee
Jack:Whats it do?
Devil:Gives you more energy for shaking, rattling, and rolling...if you catch my drift *wink*
Jack:I don't but I'll try it anyways
(He drinks it all)
Jack:Gee thanks I feel it now
Devil:As you should
(Evil Laugh)
Jack:...Well I'll catch you later then?
Devil:Oh you will
(Eviler Laugh)
(Jack heads back to the dance floor. Still with the drink)
Mary:Say where did you get that drink?
Jack:From some cool cat named "Lucifer". He's a real devil I tell ya
Mary(she drinks it):He must be the way this drink works
The Devil(off-stage):Oh you don't know the whole of it
(Evil Laugh)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(4 months have gone by. It is now March, we find Jack and Mary sitting at the Sugar Bowl eating...food?)
Mary:My goodness, I have to stop eating, I'm getting bigger
Jack:Surely, my dear, its just the food...right?
Mary:Jackie, I really don't know. I am confused. I feel that something may have happened to me...that night
Jack:Theres no way you can be pregnant
Mary:I'm scared Jack, I might have to get a doctor to check it out
Jack:Rest assure that nothing is wrong with you. Maybe your metabolism has gotten bad and you're overweight not pregnant.
Mary:I tell you Jack, the symptoms are there
Jack:Thats just gas
Mary:Jack, this isn't funny
Jack:I know you need to wear more perfume
Mary:I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow and put an end to this madness
Jack:I hope so
Mary:How's recruiting going?
Jack:Quite splendid I'm down to Ohio State, Notre Dame, Michigan, Maryland, and Oklahoma. I should be making my pick at the end of the week. And I'll tell you what baby, I WILL make our dreams come true
Mary:I hope so, I would hate for a setback
(The Devil walks in dressed in a "professional looking" outfit)
Jack:Say maybe that cool cat is a doctor
Mary:Where do you base that off of?
Jack:The next line in the script
The Devil:Oh I'm sorry to intrude but I here you're looking for a doctor
Jack:Yes indeed, are you one?
The Devil:Yes, the name is Doctor Death
Mary:That sounds scary
Jack:Yeah, and you look familiar
The Devil:I must have one of those type of faces
Jack:Yeah, so what can you do for us?
The Devil:I can set up an appointment
Jack:For what time?
The Devil:8 o'clock tonight
Jack:Alright, its a date
The Devil:What kind of date?
Jack:How about dinner with us
The Devil:Sure
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We find Mr and Mrs Washington talking with the Jeffersons)
Mr.Washington:I must say Jack and Mary are getting along quite fairly
Mrs.Jefferson:I will agree, myself
Mr.Jefferson:Yeah they're just like Abbott and Costello except one is female
Mr.Washington(chuckling):Must be your boy Mr.Jefferson
Mr.Jefferson:I am afraid not, my son is a man, a man of courage, a man of honor, a man of prestige. He is one in a million. He is the Phenom of Throwing, the Aztec of Ashes, the Son of Sam, the Darling of Delaware, the Beast of Burden, the Clown of Colorado, the Evil of Essence, the Frogger of Freaks, the Giant of Grapes, the Houdini of Halloween, the Igloo of Iceland, the Joker of Jokes, the King of Knights, the Least Common Denominator, the Mop of Minnesota, the Night of the Living Dead, the Opus of Mr. Holland, the Ping of Ping Pong, the Quacker of Quakes, the Rat of Recess, the Standard of High Definition, the Top of the Tower, the United States of America, the Valerie of Victorias, the Wake of Westminster, the Xavier of Xena, the Yang of Ying, the Zero of Nero, he is JACQUELINE NICOLE RICHIE RICARDO ELLIS JONES ROBINSON JOHNSON JACOB JINGLE HEIMER SCHMIDT THOMAS JEFFERSON...Senior...
Mr.Washington:Senior? Are you implying that my daughter is pregnant with his child?
Mr.Jefferson:Blasphamy! It is quite clear that he is pregnant with HER child!
Mr.Washington:Mr.Jefferson what you have just said may be the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life. Never in your insane rambling did you even come anywhere close to rational thought. Everyone in this room including you(if thats possible) is now dumber because of you. For this I reward you no points and may God have mercy on your soul
Mr.Jefferson(thumb in mouth rocking back and forth):I'm s-s-s-s-s-sorry
Mr.Washington:Thats better
Mrs.Jefferson:Surely, Mr.Washington I am assured that Jack and Mary have done nothing wrong
Mr.Washington:I hope not for my poor Mary could never be a mother she is not qualified
Mrs.Washington:Now what makes you assure of that?
Mr.Washington:She's a woman...she is completely devoid of common sense
Mrs.Washington:Listen here Yang, I'm not too "keen" on your vocabulary
Mr.Washington:I am not a male anatomy
Mrs.Washington:I did not call you that I called you Yang
Mr.Washington:Yeah Chinese for male anatomy
Mrs.Washington:Thats Wang
Mr.Washington:Touche...I see what you did that
Mrs.Jefferson:Like The Who says, "The Kids Are Alright"
Mr.Washington:Who are The Who?
Mr.Jefferson:The Who is a rock band from the future that plays the best music ever. Their lead singer Roger Daughtry is possibly the best lead singer in British Rock history. Their drummer Keith Moon is the best in the business
Mr.Washington:And what does they have to do with anything
Mr.Jefferson:I can't explain
Mr.Washington:I see, I guess they're ok
(We cut to Hell's Kitchen where we find the Devil, Jack, and Mary having dinner)
The Devil:So how is this fine meal?
Jack:It is fantastic, Doc
The Devil:Why thank you...how is your meal, Miss?
Mary:Oh it is quite delish
The Devil:I agree, and you're definately pregnant
(They drop their forks)
Mary:What do you mean?
The Devil:Oh Mary, its a known fact then when pregnant women eat more
Mary:Oh no Jack it is true!
Jack:Doctor, theres gotta be some way to prevent this from happening?
The Devil:There is...and its called an abortion
Mary:An abortion, oh dear god no!
The Devil:Oh yes, its the only method to getting rid of this child
Mary:Jack I can't
Jack:Mary, you'll have to, its the only way
The Devil:Colleges aren't keen on students with children
Jack:Do it...its our only hope
Mary:I can't
(She runs out of the house crying)
The Devil:Oh its a shame, she has big sense of morality, right?
Jack:Unfortunately so
The Devil:Well thats too bad...its up to you Jackie, you have to save your future and convince her to lose it
Jack:I'll do what I have to...thank you Doc
The Devil:Oh no thank you my friend
End Scene 3
End Act II
Act III
(We see a blank stage and out comes Joey Basford)
Basford:As you all know that is the end of Act I. In my plays we have this thing called filter. This is filter. Basically the actors are dead off their buttockses and cannot perform for "x" amount of minutes. So I will talk and waste time
(The Devil enters from stage left)
The Devil:We're ready to go
Basford:No you're not
The Devil:We are we totally are
Basford:Proove it
The Devil:Jack, Mary!
(They enter)
Jack:Yes Jacob...I mean Satan?
The Devil:Are we ready or not?
Jack:Yes
Basford:No not til I say so
Jack:Its not your say
Basford:Yes it is I'm the bleeding director and writer and producer. So get your butts backstage and prepare for the next scene
Mary:Ok either you let us on stage or we quit
Basford:Fine screw you all you can kiss my ass I'm out of here. And good luck finding anyone as good as me
(Basford leaves and Zach Skier shows up)
The Devil:Your hired
Zach Skier:I am? Cool....
End Act III
Act IV
(We find Mary sitting in a church on her knees. Jack enters)
Jack:What are you doing here?
Mary:Praying
Jack:For?
Mary:Everything to go right
Jack:It is I talked to the doctors and we're having the abortion done tomorrow
Mary:What?
Jack:Yes
Mary:Jack this isn't right, this is murder
Jack:Mary, this baby wasn't mean't to be think of it this way...we have the abortion and our lives are saved and things can go well
Mary:But didn't you see Blue Denim those doctors are evil and Janet and Arthur almost got into trouble
Jack:Are you refering to the film or Basford's version?
Mary:That version isn't supposed to be written for another 50 years
Jack:Oh well I am part psychic
Mary:And completely stupid
Jack:Thats beside the point. The point is we have to get the abortion
(He gets on his knees, holds her hand and gazes into her eyes)
Jack:Look if we don't do it now, our lives are ruined
Mary:I guess you're right
Jack:You're talking to a football player we're always right
Mary:I just hope nothing happens
(Enter a Priest)
Priest:Oh hello children, what brings you here?
Jack:Oh nothing father we're just praying
Priest:Thats good, I'm glad to see a sin free people in this monstrous generation
Jack:We're not all bad
Priest:Looking at you two I can tell. Well children, you have a wonderful day I got a polygamist Rock party to attend
(He takes off his priest robe revealing a leather outfit and walks off-stage)
Jack:See he's oblivious
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find the parents talking)
Mr.Washington:I stay say, Mr.Jefferson you're a complete idiot
Mr.Jefferson:Well I agree
Mrs.Washington:How long have they been arguing?
Mrs.Jefferson:Since Act II
Mrs.Washington:Jeez you'd think they discuss something else
(Jack enters with Mary)
Mrs.Jefferson:Why hello kids, how are you this evening
Jack:I knocked up Mary
Mr.Washington and Mr.Jefferson:WHAT?
Jack:I mean down
Mr.Washington and Mr.Jefferson:Oh
Jack:Yeah we were boxing
Mr.Jefferson:You had me going sonny boy
Jack:Yeah my bad
Mr.Washington:So who won?
Jack:I did
Mr.Jefferson:Thats my boy, see there Mr.Washington, your daughter is no match for my sons uppercut
Mr.Washington:Beh whatever, Mary get your big butt and your mother out of here we're going home
Mary:Ok
(The Washingtons leave)
Mr.Jefferson:I have noticed that shes gotten fat
Jack:Its not fat, its muscle
Mrs.Jefferson:Muscle?
Jack:Yes, Mary and I have been to the gym
Mr.Jefferson:Than why is her butt twice the size of Joey Basford's full body?
Jack:Wasn't that line supposed to say something else?
Mr.Jefferson:Yes but the cast hates him right now so we have to take as many shots as we can
Jack:Ah I see what you did there
Mr.Jefferson:Yes, but how do you explain her booty?
Jack:A new workout
Mr.Jefferson:Called?
Jack:Buttercups
Mr.Jefferson:And whats that?
Jack:Basically you do pushups with weights on your buttocks
Mr.Jefferson:I should try it and attract the chickies
Jack:Dad I don't think women are attracted to big bottoms
Mr.Jefferson:Son I know more about women than you know about football
Jack:Thats one of the stupidest analogies I've ever heard
Mr.Jefferson:Well I'm a stupid person
Jack:We established this in Act 1
Mr.Jefferson:I thought it was Act II?
Jack:No, Act II solidified it
Mr.Jefferson:What was Act III?
Jack:Filter
Mr.Jefferson:Well what Act are we in?
Jack:4 dad
Mr.Jefferson:Oh well dang this has been pretty fast
Jack:Its easy when your writer is extremely lazy
Mr.Jefferson:You got a point
Jack:I'm going to bed
Mr.Jefferson:Ok
(He heads off stage)
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We find Mary laying in her bed, suddenly a nun walks in)
Nun:Wake up!
(She gets up)
Mary:Who are you
Nun:Mother Superior
Mary:Oh my, what brings you here?
Nun:I hear you're getting an abortion
Mary:Yes I am
Nun:That is a sin
Mary:I know, will you forgive me mother?
Nun:Yes...with a vengeance!
(She takes an axe and swings it at Mary)
(Darkness)
(Light where we find Mary in her bed)
Mary:It was just a dream
(On the other side of the bed we find Joey Basford)
Basford:Trust me that was no dream
(She screams then darkness again)
(Light)
Mary(covered in sweat):Oh jeez, this is getting bad I don't think I can do this
(Suddenly the Devil appears)
Mary:Who are you?
The Devil:I am your, ugh..uncle
Mary:Oh, thats cool
The Devil:Yeah
Mary:What are you doing here?
The Devil:Giving you a tasty drink
Mary:Whats it called?
The Devil:Oblivion
Mary:Whats in it
The Devil:Tasty stuff
Mary:Ooo delicious
(She chugs it and burps and he flies 10 feet back)
Mary:Thank you uncle
The Devil:Please don't mention it
End Act IV
Act V:The Finale
Scene 1
(We find Jack and Mary at night walking, they stop inside the clinic)
Dr.Acula:Ello and velcome to the hospitol. vhat are your names?
Jack:Jack Jefferson and Mary Washington
Dr.Acula:Ves Ves, you're here for the abortion...DOCTOR AFRICA!
(Dr.Africa enters)
Dr.Africa:Yes?
Dr.Acula:These are the people here for the abortion
Dr.Africa:Oh I see well lets begin
(He heads off-stage and rolls a bed)
Dr.Africa:Just lay down here and we'll see
(She lays on the bed)
Jack:Is it safe?
Dr.Africa:It should be
Dr.Acula:Ves hopefully there'll be blood!
(Dr.Africa hits Dr.Acula with a newspaper)
Dr.Africa:Quiet you!
(Police Sirens blare in the air and police officers storm in)
Officer:Dr.Africa, Dr.Acula you're under arrest for the practice of abortion. Get em boys!
(Other officers attempt to arrest them but Dr.Acula fights back by biting them and sucking their blood. Another officer pulls a gun out and fires at Dr.Acula but he ducks and hits Mary)
Jack:No!
Mary:Run Jackie, run
(She faints)
(He grabs the hospitol bed and shoves it at the officers knocking them over he then runs off-stage)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find the Washingtons and the Jeffersons in a room listening to the radio)
Mrs.Washington:So where did Jack and Mary go?
Mrs.Jefferson:They went to the Clinic
Mr.Washington:Clinic?
Mrs.Jefferson:Yes the Clinic
Mr.Washington:What is it?
Mrs.Jefferson:Its a hockey arena, the Skiers must be playing
Mr.Washington:Must
Radio Announcer:We interrupt this program to bring you an important announcement, their has been a raid at the West Andersonville Clinic where a fight between police and doctors have ended with 2 arrests, 1 injured, and 1 escapee
Mr.Washington:Oh gosh, doesn't sound too keen
Mr.Jefferson:I sure hope they found that freak who escaped anyone who kill a baby is it sick twisted sinister anal acculated bisexual neutral sited cannibal freak monster from Potsdam
Radio Announcer:The people identified are as follows:Dr.Count Acula, Dr.Will Acula, Mary Washington, and Jack Jefferson)
(They all look on in shock)
Mr.Washington:I knew your boy was a bad influence
Mr.Jefferson:Its clear that your girl is the negative Nancy
Mr.Washington:That does it I'm tired of your ARROGANCE
Mr.Jefferson:THIRTY YEARS OF FRUSTRATION!
(They begin to fight eventually rolling out of site off-stage)
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We find Jack hiding behind a trash can as cops look on)
Cop 1:I guess we'll have to check further away
(They leave the area)
Jack:Oh dear god, what have I done
(The lights go out, when they come back on everything is tinted red and the Rolling Stones song, "Sympathy for the Devil" plays and the Devil appears with the plumber)
Jack:Who are you?
The Devil:Can't you hear the song?
Jack:Yes but what does that have to do with anything?
The Devil:It describes to you who I am
Jack:Well who are you?
The Devil:Listen to the song
Jack:Why won't you just summarize it
The Devil:Fine lets do it
(A band of demons join in with guitars)
The Devil:Hit it boys
(Music starts)
The Devil:Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
And I was round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around st. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a generals rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Let me please introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me...
(Before he finishes he is interrupted)
Jack:Wait I got it...you're Mick Jagger
The Devil:No...
Jack:Joey Basford?
The Devil:Um no
Jack:Keith Richards?
The Devil:Nope
Jack:Jacob Reese?
The Devil(inconspicous):No...
Jack:God?
The Devil:Oh god no...please just call me....Lucifer...
Jack:Oh hi, Luci...oh my god, you're the Devil?
The Devil:Yes
Jack:Wh-wh-what do you want with me?
The Devil:Just a little game
Jack:A game?
The Devil:Yes
Jack:Of what?
The Devil:Cat and mouse
Jack:What do you mean
The Devil:You see Jackie boy you and your precious Mary are just mice in my little game and I'm the cat
Jack:How do you know us?
The Devil:I'm the reason behind this
(He grabs Jack by the collar and pushes him against the wall)
The Devil:Remember the dance Jackie?
Jack:What about it?
The Devil:It was me, who gave you the drink that caused you and Mary to forget your "morals" and do the dirtiest of all sins. I was the doctor who said she was pregnant and recommended you to Dr.Acula and Dr.Africa, who I set up for failure. It was me who actually impregnated Mary.
Jack:Thats not possible!
The Devil:Oh it is, you drank Devil's Serum meaning that through your sexual intercourse with Mary not only have you impregnated her you've also planted the seed into creating the anti-christ. He shall be born August 13th, and from their my son Danny will rise through television to destroy the world. HAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Jack:Are you saying Danny Bonaduce is the anti-christ?
The Devil:Yes
Jack:And you knocked up Mary?
The Devil:Yes
Jack:You...you...you can burn in hell
The Devil:I'm afraid I'm already doing so
Jack:You will pay for this
The Devil:I know, here take this katana
(He hands Jack a katana)
Jack:This will feel good
(He swings the katana at the Devil's neck, before it makes contact the lights go out. When they come back on, the Devil has vanished and has been replaced by Cops)
Cop:There he is!
Another Cop:He's got a weapon
The Devil(off-stage):Shoot him!
(They proceed to fire multiple shots at Jack. He is continually shot at as he turns around to escape, he then collapses and dies. Everyone on stage freezes as one of the cops walks to the front of the stage)
Cop:What you've just seen here is a tragic display of what happens when sin gets into your life and the devil within you takes over and destroys every ounce of soul. For this I suggest that children of all ages should see "Sex Has Consequences" for if they do not see it, they're lives within themselves will be corrupt and they may end up like Jack and Mary. But remember their are good people out there that can save us such as...
(Before he finishes he is cut off by a mysterious figure in blue football pants, blue shirt and a blue face-painted hockey mask)
Mysterious Figure:Me, the Blue Avenger!
(He proceeds to tackle the cop and throw him off-stage, he then grabs the Devil from backstage and throws him against a wall and smashes him with his weight. The cops, Jack, Mary, the Washingtons, and the Jeffersons attack him but he breaks out of their dog pile and runs around destroying the entire set. He then grabs the stretcher and rolls it at everyone else knocking them over then runs off stage screaming maniacally. Zach Skier wallks back on-stage)
Zach:Um, uh good night everybody
(As the curtain falls, the Blue Avenger slides across stage on the stretcher)
The End
Coming Soon:The Jacob Reese Adaptation
Act I
Scene 1
(The curtain rises on the stage we find The Devil standing in his chamber of doom)
The Devil:Double Double Toilet Trouble
(A Plumber arrives)
Plumber:Can you hold your horses? I'm almost done
The Devil:Can you hurry? I gotta pee
Plumber:Just do something productive
The Devil:Destructive?
Plumber:Sure
The Devil:That gives me a great idea
(Blackout)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find Jack Jefferson and his all-american friends Ken Kennedy, David Davis, and Rob Robinson)
Rob:Well Jackie boy you seem quite tender today
Jack:Why would I not, Saturday is a big night
Rob:Ah yes the dance, you do realize we must get ready for Ryder High first right?
Jack:Don't worry we're going to score on Ryder just like I will with Mary
(We cut to where Mary is outside under a tree with her friends Alice Allison, Cameron Cameron, and Helen Hinkelbomber)
Helen:So Mary do you plan on going for the ball on Saturday night?
Mary:Oh dear lord no I couldn't
Alice:What are you scared?
Mary:No its just my values hold me back. I feel I should wait til marriage
Cameron:Marriage is overrated like sex
Mary:So why do you insist on me doing it?
Cameron:Because its all the rage
Mary:I have values, my mother, and my sister all look up to me
Helen:Well you're 6'1
Mary:Touche
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We find Jack at his home bench pressing)
Mr.Jefferson:Son, I want to talk to you
Jack:What is it dad?
Mr.Jefferson:Well son, I know that tomorrow you embark on the first part of a long journey
Jack:Its just Homecoming dad
Mr.Jefferson:Son I don't think you understand, its not Homecoming...its a way of life. That date is the first step to a long and sometimes difficult life journey.
Jack:What are you saying?
Mr.Jefferson:Play safe
Jack:Dad, I'm not going to have sex
Mr.Jefferson:Woah woah woah woah woah look here Jethro Tull I said nothing about sex. I'm just saying be careful during the game...you're a pervert
Jack:I don't get it
Mr.Jefferson:Thats it Sunday morning I am sending you to church and Father O'Reilly will give you a pep talk
Jack:For what?
Mr.Jefferson:To get you motivated
Jack:For what?
Mr.Jefferson:Sex son!
Jack:Ugh...thats cool dad...look my mother is calling
Mr.Jefferson:Ok son just be careful
(He walks over to the kitchen)
Mrs.Jefferson:Oh son how are you?
Jack:Quite well I suppose
Mrs.Jefferson:Thats good, hows dad?]
Jack:He's ok just slightly crazy today
Mrs.Jefferson:At least he isn't marching nude in the Mummers day parade again
Jack:Yeah that was embarrassing
Mrs.Jefferson:So are you taking Mary Washington to the dance?
Jack:Yes indeedy, we're going to have a quite splendid night if I must say
Mrs.Jefferson:I hope so
(Across stage in hell we find the Devil laughing)
The Devil:Oh it will
(Evil Laugh)
The Plumber(off-stage):What will?
The Devil:Quiet you twit
End Scene 3
End Act I
Act II
Scene 1
(We find the gang at the dance)
Rob:Damn Jackie this party is kickin
Jack:Yeah just like we kicked their buttockses in Football
Ken:So when are the chickies
Jack:As soon of Mother Hen's eggs hatch
Ken:Makes sense I suppose
(Meanwhile in hell we find the Devil talking with the Plumber)
The Plumber:Whats the occasion?
The Devil(wearing a red tux):Its time to go dancing I say
Plumber:Do you know any dances??
Devil:No not really...I'm just going to seduce Jack and Mary
Plumber:You do that
Devil:Oh I will
(Later we find everybody dancing)
Jack:Woo thats been a dusy. I'll be right back
(He walks over to the bathroom where he finds The Devil wearing a tux)
Jack:So cool kitty cat I never seen you around here before
Devil:The names Lucifer
Jack:Like "I Love Lucy"?
Devil:Umm...no...not really
Jack:Oh
Devil:Want to try this cool keen drink?
Jack:What is it called?
Devil:Sextacee
Jack:Whats it do?
Devil:Gives you more energy for shaking, rattling, and rolling...if you catch my drift *wink*
Jack:I don't but I'll try it anyways
(He drinks it all)
Jack:Gee thanks I feel it now
Devil:As you should
(Evil Laugh)
Jack:...Well I'll catch you later then?
Devil:Oh you will
(Eviler Laugh)
(Jack heads back to the dance floor. Still with the drink)
Mary:Say where did you get that drink?
Jack:From some cool cat named "Lucifer". He's a real devil I tell ya
Mary(she drinks it):He must be the way this drink works
The Devil(off-stage):Oh you don't know the whole of it
(Evil Laugh)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(4 months have gone by. It is now March, we find Jack and Mary sitting at the Sugar Bowl eating...food?)
Mary:My goodness, I have to stop eating, I'm getting bigger
Jack:Surely, my dear, its just the food...right?
Mary:Jackie, I really don't know. I am confused. I feel that something may have happened to me...that night
Jack:Theres no way you can be pregnant
Mary:I'm scared Jack, I might have to get a doctor to check it out
Jack:Rest assure that nothing is wrong with you. Maybe your metabolism has gotten bad and you're overweight not pregnant.
Mary:I tell you Jack, the symptoms are there
Jack:Thats just gas
Mary:Jack, this isn't funny
Jack:I know you need to wear more perfume
Mary:I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow and put an end to this madness
Jack:I hope so
Mary:How's recruiting going?
Jack:Quite splendid I'm down to Ohio State, Notre Dame, Michigan, Maryland, and Oklahoma. I should be making my pick at the end of the week. And I'll tell you what baby, I WILL make our dreams come true
Mary:I hope so, I would hate for a setback
(The Devil walks in dressed in a "professional looking" outfit)
Jack:Say maybe that cool cat is a doctor
Mary:Where do you base that off of?
Jack:The next line in the script
The Devil:Oh I'm sorry to intrude but I here you're looking for a doctor
Jack:Yes indeed, are you one?
The Devil:Yes, the name is Doctor Death
Mary:That sounds scary
Jack:Yeah, and you look familiar
The Devil:I must have one of those type of faces
Jack:Yeah, so what can you do for us?
The Devil:I can set up an appointment
Jack:For what time?
The Devil:8 o'clock tonight
Jack:Alright, its a date
The Devil:What kind of date?
Jack:How about dinner with us
The Devil:Sure
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We find Mr and Mrs Washington talking with the Jeffersons)
Mr.Washington:I must say Jack and Mary are getting along quite fairly
Mrs.Jefferson:I will agree, myself
Mr.Jefferson:Yeah they're just like Abbott and Costello except one is female
Mr.Washington(chuckling):Must be your boy Mr.Jefferson
Mr.Jefferson:I am afraid not, my son is a man, a man of courage, a man of honor, a man of prestige. He is one in a million. He is the Phenom of Throwing, the Aztec of Ashes, the Son of Sam, the Darling of Delaware, the Beast of Burden, the Clown of Colorado, the Evil of Essence, the Frogger of Freaks, the Giant of Grapes, the Houdini of Halloween, the Igloo of Iceland, the Joker of Jokes, the King of Knights, the Least Common Denominator, the Mop of Minnesota, the Night of the Living Dead, the Opus of Mr. Holland, the Ping of Ping Pong, the Quacker of Quakes, the Rat of Recess, the Standard of High Definition, the Top of the Tower, the United States of America, the Valerie of Victorias, the Wake of Westminster, the Xavier of Xena, the Yang of Ying, the Zero of Nero, he is JACQUELINE NICOLE RICHIE RICARDO ELLIS JONES ROBINSON JOHNSON JACOB JINGLE HEIMER SCHMIDT THOMAS JEFFERSON...Senior...
Mr.Washington:Senior? Are you implying that my daughter is pregnant with his child?
Mr.Jefferson:Blasphamy! It is quite clear that he is pregnant with HER child!
Mr.Washington:Mr.Jefferson what you have just said may be the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life. Never in your insane rambling did you even come anywhere close to rational thought. Everyone in this room including you(if thats possible) is now dumber because of you. For this I reward you no points and may God have mercy on your soul
Mr.Jefferson(thumb in mouth rocking back and forth):I'm s-s-s-s-s-sorry
Mr.Washington:Thats better
Mrs.Jefferson:Surely, Mr.Washington I am assured that Jack and Mary have done nothing wrong
Mr.Washington:I hope not for my poor Mary could never be a mother she is not qualified
Mrs.Washington:Now what makes you assure of that?
Mr.Washington:She's a woman...she is completely devoid of common sense
Mrs.Washington:Listen here Yang, I'm not too "keen" on your vocabulary
Mr.Washington:I am not a male anatomy
Mrs.Washington:I did not call you that I called you Yang
Mr.Washington:Yeah Chinese for male anatomy
Mrs.Washington:Thats Wang
Mr.Washington:Touche...I see what you did that
Mrs.Jefferson:Like The Who says, "The Kids Are Alright"
Mr.Washington:Who are The Who?
Mr.Jefferson:The Who is a rock band from the future that plays the best music ever. Their lead singer Roger Daughtry is possibly the best lead singer in British Rock history. Their drummer Keith Moon is the best in the business
Mr.Washington:And what does they have to do with anything
Mr.Jefferson:I can't explain
Mr.Washington:I see, I guess they're ok
(We cut to Hell's Kitchen where we find the Devil, Jack, and Mary having dinner)
The Devil:So how is this fine meal?
Jack:It is fantastic, Doc
The Devil:Why thank you...how is your meal, Miss?
Mary:Oh it is quite delish
The Devil:I agree, and you're definately pregnant
(They drop their forks)
Mary:What do you mean?
The Devil:Oh Mary, its a known fact then when pregnant women eat more
Mary:Oh no Jack it is true!
Jack:Doctor, theres gotta be some way to prevent this from happening?
The Devil:There is...and its called an abortion
Mary:An abortion, oh dear god no!
The Devil:Oh yes, its the only method to getting rid of this child
Mary:Jack I can't
Jack:Mary, you'll have to, its the only way
The Devil:Colleges aren't keen on students with children
Jack:Do it...its our only hope
Mary:I can't
(She runs out of the house crying)
The Devil:Oh its a shame, she has big sense of morality, right?
Jack:Unfortunately so
The Devil:Well thats too bad...its up to you Jackie, you have to save your future and convince her to lose it
Jack:I'll do what I have to...thank you Doc
The Devil:Oh no thank you my friend
End Scene 3
End Act II
Act III
(We see a blank stage and out comes Joey Basford)
Basford:As you all know that is the end of Act I. In my plays we have this thing called filter. This is filter. Basically the actors are dead off their buttockses and cannot perform for "x" amount of minutes. So I will talk and waste time
(The Devil enters from stage left)
The Devil:We're ready to go
Basford:No you're not
The Devil:We are we totally are
Basford:Proove it
The Devil:Jack, Mary!
(They enter)
Jack:Yes Jacob...I mean Satan?
The Devil:Are we ready or not?
Jack:Yes
Basford:No not til I say so
Jack:Its not your say
Basford:Yes it is I'm the bleeding director and writer and producer. So get your butts backstage and prepare for the next scene
Mary:Ok either you let us on stage or we quit
Basford:Fine screw you all you can kiss my ass I'm out of here. And good luck finding anyone as good as me
(Basford leaves and Zach Skier shows up)
The Devil:Your hired
Zach Skier:I am? Cool....
End Act III
Act IV
(We find Mary sitting in a church on her knees. Jack enters)
Jack:What are you doing here?
Mary:Praying
Jack:For?
Mary:Everything to go right
Jack:It is I talked to the doctors and we're having the abortion done tomorrow
Mary:What?
Jack:Yes
Mary:Jack this isn't right, this is murder
Jack:Mary, this baby wasn't mean't to be think of it this way...we have the abortion and our lives are saved and things can go well
Mary:But didn't you see Blue Denim those doctors are evil and Janet and Arthur almost got into trouble
Jack:Are you refering to the film or Basford's version?
Mary:That version isn't supposed to be written for another 50 years
Jack:Oh well I am part psychic
Mary:And completely stupid
Jack:Thats beside the point. The point is we have to get the abortion
(He gets on his knees, holds her hand and gazes into her eyes)
Jack:Look if we don't do it now, our lives are ruined
Mary:I guess you're right
Jack:You're talking to a football player we're always right
Mary:I just hope nothing happens
(Enter a Priest)
Priest:Oh hello children, what brings you here?
Jack:Oh nothing father we're just praying
Priest:Thats good, I'm glad to see a sin free people in this monstrous generation
Jack:We're not all bad
Priest:Looking at you two I can tell. Well children, you have a wonderful day I got a polygamist Rock party to attend
(He takes off his priest robe revealing a leather outfit and walks off-stage)
Jack:See he's oblivious
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find the parents talking)
Mr.Washington:I stay say, Mr.Jefferson you're a complete idiot
Mr.Jefferson:Well I agree
Mrs.Washington:How long have they been arguing?
Mrs.Jefferson:Since Act II
Mrs.Washington:Jeez you'd think they discuss something else
(Jack enters with Mary)
Mrs.Jefferson:Why hello kids, how are you this evening
Jack:I knocked up Mary
Mr.Washington and Mr.Jefferson:WHAT?
Jack:I mean down
Mr.Washington and Mr.Jefferson:Oh
Jack:Yeah we were boxing
Mr.Jefferson:You had me going sonny boy
Jack:Yeah my bad
Mr.Washington:So who won?
Jack:I did
Mr.Jefferson:Thats my boy, see there Mr.Washington, your daughter is no match for my sons uppercut
Mr.Washington:Beh whatever, Mary get your big butt and your mother out of here we're going home
Mary:Ok
(The Washingtons leave)
Mr.Jefferson:I have noticed that shes gotten fat
Jack:Its not fat, its muscle
Mrs.Jefferson:Muscle?
Jack:Yes, Mary and I have been to the gym
Mr.Jefferson:Than why is her butt twice the size of Joey Basford's full body?
Jack:Wasn't that line supposed to say something else?
Mr.Jefferson:Yes but the cast hates him right now so we have to take as many shots as we can
Jack:Ah I see what you did there
Mr.Jefferson:Yes, but how do you explain her booty?
Jack:A new workout
Mr.Jefferson:Called?
Jack:Buttercups
Mr.Jefferson:And whats that?
Jack:Basically you do pushups with weights on your buttocks
Mr.Jefferson:I should try it and attract the chickies
Jack:Dad I don't think women are attracted to big bottoms
Mr.Jefferson:Son I know more about women than you know about football
Jack:Thats one of the stupidest analogies I've ever heard
Mr.Jefferson:Well I'm a stupid person
Jack:We established this in Act 1
Mr.Jefferson:I thought it was Act II?
Jack:No, Act II solidified it
Mr.Jefferson:What was Act III?
Jack:Filter
Mr.Jefferson:Well what Act are we in?
Jack:4 dad
Mr.Jefferson:Oh well dang this has been pretty fast
Jack:Its easy when your writer is extremely lazy
Mr.Jefferson:You got a point
Jack:I'm going to bed
Mr.Jefferson:Ok
(He heads off stage)
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We find Mary laying in her bed, suddenly a nun walks in)
Nun:Wake up!
(She gets up)
Mary:Who are you
Nun:Mother Superior
Mary:Oh my, what brings you here?
Nun:I hear you're getting an abortion
Mary:Yes I am
Nun:That is a sin
Mary:I know, will you forgive me mother?
Nun:Yes...with a vengeance!
(She takes an axe and swings it at Mary)
(Darkness)
(Light where we find Mary in her bed)
Mary:It was just a dream
(On the other side of the bed we find Joey Basford)
Basford:Trust me that was no dream
(She screams then darkness again)
(Light)
Mary(covered in sweat):Oh jeez, this is getting bad I don't think I can do this
(Suddenly the Devil appears)
Mary:Who are you?
The Devil:I am your, ugh..uncle
Mary:Oh, thats cool
The Devil:Yeah
Mary:What are you doing here?
The Devil:Giving you a tasty drink
Mary:Whats it called?
The Devil:Oblivion
Mary:Whats in it
The Devil:Tasty stuff
Mary:Ooo delicious
(She chugs it and burps and he flies 10 feet back)
Mary:Thank you uncle
The Devil:Please don't mention it
End Act IV
Act V:The Finale
Scene 1
(We find Jack and Mary at night walking, they stop inside the clinic)
Dr.Acula:Ello and velcome to the hospitol. vhat are your names?
Jack:Jack Jefferson and Mary Washington
Dr.Acula:Ves Ves, you're here for the abortion...DOCTOR AFRICA!
(Dr.Africa enters)
Dr.Africa:Yes?
Dr.Acula:These are the people here for the abortion
Dr.Africa:Oh I see well lets begin
(He heads off-stage and rolls a bed)
Dr.Africa:Just lay down here and we'll see
(She lays on the bed)
Jack:Is it safe?
Dr.Africa:It should be
Dr.Acula:Ves hopefully there'll be blood!
(Dr.Africa hits Dr.Acula with a newspaper)
Dr.Africa:Quiet you!
(Police Sirens blare in the air and police officers storm in)
Officer:Dr.Africa, Dr.Acula you're under arrest for the practice of abortion. Get em boys!
(Other officers attempt to arrest them but Dr.Acula fights back by biting them and sucking their blood. Another officer pulls a gun out and fires at Dr.Acula but he ducks and hits Mary)
Jack:No!
Mary:Run Jackie, run
(She faints)
(He grabs the hospitol bed and shoves it at the officers knocking them over he then runs off-stage)
End Scene 1
Scene 2
(We find the Washingtons and the Jeffersons in a room listening to the radio)
Mrs.Washington:So where did Jack and Mary go?
Mrs.Jefferson:They went to the Clinic
Mr.Washington:Clinic?
Mrs.Jefferson:Yes the Clinic
Mr.Washington:What is it?
Mrs.Jefferson:Its a hockey arena, the Skiers must be playing
Mr.Washington:Must
Radio Announcer:We interrupt this program to bring you an important announcement, their has been a raid at the West Andersonville Clinic where a fight between police and doctors have ended with 2 arrests, 1 injured, and 1 escapee
Mr.Washington:Oh gosh, doesn't sound too keen
Mr.Jefferson:I sure hope they found that freak who escaped anyone who kill a baby is it sick twisted sinister anal acculated bisexual neutral sited cannibal freak monster from Potsdam
Radio Announcer:The people identified are as follows:Dr.Count Acula, Dr.Will Acula, Mary Washington, and Jack Jefferson)
(They all look on in shock)
Mr.Washington:I knew your boy was a bad influence
Mr.Jefferson:Its clear that your girl is the negative Nancy
Mr.Washington:That does it I'm tired of your ARROGANCE
Mr.Jefferson:THIRTY YEARS OF FRUSTRATION!
(They begin to fight eventually rolling out of site off-stage)
End Scene 2
Scene 3
(We find Jack hiding behind a trash can as cops look on)
Cop 1:I guess we'll have to check further away
(They leave the area)
Jack:Oh dear god, what have I done
(The lights go out, when they come back on everything is tinted red and the Rolling Stones song, "Sympathy for the Devil" plays and the Devil appears with the plumber)
Jack:Who are you?
The Devil:Can't you hear the song?
Jack:Yes but what does that have to do with anything?
The Devil:It describes to you who I am
Jack:Well who are you?
The Devil:Listen to the song
Jack:Why won't you just summarize it
The Devil:Fine lets do it
(A band of demons join in with guitars)
The Devil:Hit it boys
(Music starts)
The Devil:Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
And I was round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around st. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a generals rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Let me please introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me...
(Before he finishes he is interrupted)
Jack:Wait I got it...you're Mick Jagger
The Devil:No...
Jack:Joey Basford?
The Devil:Um no
Jack:Keith Richards?
The Devil:Nope
Jack:Jacob Reese?
The Devil(inconspicous):No...
Jack:God?
The Devil:Oh god no...please just call me....Lucifer...
Jack:Oh hi, Luci...oh my god, you're the Devil?
The Devil:Yes
Jack:Wh-wh-what do you want with me?
The Devil:Just a little game
Jack:A game?
The Devil:Yes
Jack:Of what?
The Devil:Cat and mouse
Jack:What do you mean
The Devil:You see Jackie boy you and your precious Mary are just mice in my little game and I'm the cat
Jack:How do you know us?
The Devil:I'm the reason behind this
(He grabs Jack by the collar and pushes him against the wall)
The Devil:Remember the dance Jackie?
Jack:What about it?
The Devil:It was me, who gave you the drink that caused you and Mary to forget your "morals" and do the dirtiest of all sins. I was the doctor who said she was pregnant and recommended you to Dr.Acula and Dr.Africa, who I set up for failure. It was me who actually impregnated Mary.
Jack:Thats not possible!
The Devil:Oh it is, you drank Devil's Serum meaning that through your sexual intercourse with Mary not only have you impregnated her you've also planted the seed into creating the anti-christ. He shall be born August 13th, and from their my son Danny will rise through television to destroy the world. HAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Jack:Are you saying Danny Bonaduce is the anti-christ?
The Devil:Yes
Jack:And you knocked up Mary?
The Devil:Yes
Jack:You...you...you can burn in hell
The Devil:I'm afraid I'm already doing so
Jack:You will pay for this
The Devil:I know, here take this katana
(He hands Jack a katana)
Jack:This will feel good
(He swings the katana at the Devil's neck, before it makes contact the lights go out. When they come back on, the Devil has vanished and has been replaced by Cops)
Cop:There he is!
Another Cop:He's got a weapon
The Devil(off-stage):Shoot him!
(They proceed to fire multiple shots at Jack. He is continually shot at as he turns around to escape, he then collapses and dies. Everyone on stage freezes as one of the cops walks to the front of the stage)
Cop:What you've just seen here is a tragic display of what happens when sin gets into your life and the devil within you takes over and destroys every ounce of soul. For this I suggest that children of all ages should see "Sex Has Consequences" for if they do not see it, they're lives within themselves will be corrupt and they may end up like Jack and Mary. But remember their are good people out there that can save us such as...
(Before he finishes he is cut off by a mysterious figure in blue football pants, blue shirt and a blue face-painted hockey mask)
Mysterious Figure:Me, the Blue Avenger!
(He proceeds to tackle the cop and throw him off-stage, he then grabs the Devil from backstage and throws him against a wall and smashes him with his weight. The cops, Jack, Mary, the Washingtons, and the Jeffersons attack him but he breaks out of their dog pile and runs around destroying the entire set. He then grabs the stretcher and rolls it at everyone else knocking them over then runs off stage screaming maniacally. Zach Skier wallks back on-stage)
Zach:Um, uh good night everybody
(As the curtain falls, the Blue Avenger slides across stage on the stretcher)
The End
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Looking for more people on "Don't Look Back"
At the moment, I'm not looking for people initially. I can have people shoot some footage at any time during the school year. What I'm mainly looking for is footage from the following areas of the school:
The Drama Department
Any Atheltics(preferably Football and Volleyball but all sports are welcomed as long as theirs a story behind their season)
Any School Committee
I'm also looking for personal stroies by anyone if they're willing to share any.
I also need someone to shoot footage for the first day of school
If there is not enough footage for the film by at least June 4, 2009, I will cancel the whole project. I am seeking more people for footage and footage for the first day of school.
The Drama Department
Any Atheltics(preferably Football and Volleyball but all sports are welcomed as long as theirs a story behind their season)
Any School Committee
I'm also looking for personal stroies by anyone if they're willing to share any.
I also need someone to shoot footage for the first day of school
If there is not enough footage for the film by at least June 4, 2009, I will cancel the whole project. I am seeking more people for footage and footage for the first day of school.
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